


Stay with me

by Melime



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Kiss, Inspired by Music, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John didn’t want to die, not now, not like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay with me

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Fica comigo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755375) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> Inspired by the Pearl Jam song "Just Breathe", but not a songfic.

John didn’t want to die, not now, not like this. After everything they survived, he was going to die because of a damn accident, and take Rodney with him. It was just wrong, no enemies to fight, no sacrifice for the greater good, nothing they could do. Just waiting until they ran out of air, and John knew he wouldn’t last long enough to suffocate, the internal bleeding would work faster.

Rodney was still talking, still trying to find a way to get them out from under several tons of metal, still too excited about finding a charged ZPM to realize that the minutes of air they had inside the shield weren’t enough for him to do anything. John wished he wasn’t there, that Rodney didn’t have to die like this, and yet, selfishly, he was glad that Rodney was there with him.

John understood that this was just the way things were. Everybody dies, and other members of the expedition died in equally pointless ways, it was just how things worked. He always knew there was a good chance he would die doing his job, but he couldn’t accept it happened like this. He couldn’t protect Rodney, there was nothing he could no, no way to trade his own life for his. They would die, not defending Atlantis or fighting against the Wraith, but because of the self-destruct mechanism of an Ancient outpost, and there was nothing he could do to change this.

He knew he should consider himself lucky. Before Atlantis, he didn’t have anything, and now he had Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, Elizabeth, Lorne, Beckett, Atlantis herself… He had a family, people he loved and who loved him, more than he ever hoped he would have, and now he was going to lose it all.

“Rodney…” he called while trying to reach out to him, his voice was too weak, and talking was too painful.

Rodney immediately came to his side. “Sheppard! Are you awake? I’m going to find a way to get us out of here, but you have to stay awake.”

John wanted to laugh. That was such a Rodney thing, to still think he could do the impossible and save them. But they had been in this type of situation together many times before, and John knew him well enough to see that it was different this time. This time, not even Rodney thought he could come up with a miraculous solution, at least not in the time they had left.

John tried to grab Rodney’s hand, offer him some comfort, but he was too weak and disoriented. It didn't matter, because Rodney reached out to him, taking the hand he offered between both of his. “You shouldn’t move, I think you may have some internal injuries.”

There was so much John wanted to say, that he should have said before, but was too afraid. How much he loved Rodney, that he was in love with him, that he couldn’t imagine not having him in his life. Did he ever even tell Rodney how much he needed him by his side? How much he wanted anything and everything that Rodney was willing to give him? He couldn’t remember, but he didn’t think he did. He was such a fool, allowing so much to get in the way, when none of that mattered. He assumed Rodney would know, to some extent, without the need for words. But then again, that had always been his problem, he would never talk about what he felt, would avoid it as if it was physically painful.

John wanted to confess everything, but after a lifetime of avoid this kind of conversations, he couldn’t find the words. It was too much for him to express. “Hold me,” he said, the words hard to get out, but necessary.

Rodney looked at him confused, and for a moment John feared that he didn’t understand, but then Rodney pulled him to his lap, placing his hands over John’s chest.

“It’s going to be ok, Sheppard, I’m going to find a way to get us out of here,” Rodney said, more to himself than to John. He was desperate, afraid, the panic not serving to inspire him as it usually did.

“Just… stay with me,” John said, and he felt as if that took all of his strength.

He couldn’t help but think of everything Rodney did for him, for a Atlantis. As much as he hated to admit it, the odds for the rest of the expedition without Rodney weren’t as good. He would never let Rodney know, his ego didn’t need the boosting, but every time John looked at him, he thought about that, about everything Rodney had done, about every time he saved John’s life or all of Atlantis.

“No, no, no, no, no, John, please, no, wake up, John, I’m here, I’m with you, please, you have to stay with me,” Rodney pleaded.

John heard his voice as distant whispers, too far way for his fleeting conscience to focus on. He didn’t want it to end like this, didn’t want Rodney to be so desperate, couldn’t stand that Rodney didn’t know how he felt. He needed to say something, couldn’t let them end like this. He tried to pull Rodney, failed, then urged him to get down, since his voice would be no more than a weak whisper by now.

“What is it?” Rodney asked, moving his ear closer.

What should he say now? What could he possibly say that would make a difference? Anything he could think of saying seemed like it wasn’t enough, and yet would be too much for him to say in his weakened state. Instead, he lifted his head, trying to meet his lips. He missed in his first attempt, hitting the corner of Rodney’s lips, but then he moved and Rodney understood what he was doing, and the angle was awkward, John having to force his neck up, Rodney needing to bend over uncomfortably, but it was perfect. He didn’t need words, there was never any need for words between them.

Now Rodney knew, and John still hated that they had to go like this, but at least they could have this one moment. John couldn’t begin to speculate as to what would happen now, wouldn’t even want to, but knowing that Rodney wouldn’t need to be alone for long gave him some sort of sick comfort. He shouldn’t feel like this, he should wish that Rodney survived this, but he couldn’t see a way for that to happen. All he could hope for was that, if there was anything after this life, they would be reunited.

By the time Rodney’s lips left his, John’s heart was no longer beating.


End file.
